April 4, 2016

let (it) go

surrender, 2013

...he rolled over and fell asleep. No noise, no care, no work undone, no imperfection unmastered, no love scene unresumed, no problem unsolved, ever kept him awake. He could roll over and forget. He could roll over with such grand indifference and let everything wait. When he rolled over the day ended. Nothing could be carried over into the next day. The next day would be absolutely new and clean. He just rolled over and extinguished everything. Just rolling over. 
-Anais Nin from Ladders of Fire

Night after night, seeking sanctuary in makeshift beds because I could not forget, could not let things wait. Tossing and turning, fighting the fabric to not suffocate, to not be lost in another’s painful psyche, to renew myself in solitary sleep, and to not be extinguished by his indifference.

Everything did carry over into the next day. Denial carried us through and soon my craving for dialog subsided and my unmade beds became witness to the layers of detachment that soon separates. 

And one night I just rolled over and faced a new direction.

-Suda House