a life worth living
Time has a way of sneaking up on you. One day you're preheating the oven for fish sticks with your best friend after school and the next thing you know your hands seem kind of old looking and your glasses are ridiculously scratched. You wonder how you didn't notice this happening. I always thought I would live my life robustly like strong tea from a fresh tea bag; steamy, spicy and delicious. One never thinks of life like a used up tea bag that is really the last one in the house and you are too lazy to go to the store for a new box, so you think, ah screw it and make half a cup. A weak re-run of the first cup.
Remember when driving anywhere was exciting? My dad used to yell at me for wasting gas. I would drive 10 miles to take photos of an old rotting bus I vaguely recalled seeing on a previous drive. Defiantly I replied, "It's not that far and it's fun!". He always gave me this look, semi wise and bewildered at my young stupidity. Now I see. Oh boy, do I understand that face. I eventually will go to the store, but only at a point in the day when I know there will be parking and no traffic. It's a small window of time. This is what happens when you become older. You know these things.
I don't think many people have it figured out. It's hard to find balance, no matter how beautiful your handstand photo looks online. I don't know what I am looking for really. I think Clementine said it perfectly, "I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind.". Now, maybe I'm not fucked up and maybe I am. Who knows. Judging oneself is akin to judging the sunset. How can you? It just is.